Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
