when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize