At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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