That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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