I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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