just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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