There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
