the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
