Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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