my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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