dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
