we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
