Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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