You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
