I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
