yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
