I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just gift wrapped bread.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
