I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
