I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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