I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize