How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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