SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
