I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I am available for nakedness
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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