Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
