gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
