For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
