I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
