And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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