just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
