You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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