Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
