WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
