Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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