we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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