oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
