some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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