I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
