I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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