I've blown a few things in my day
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
