hotel room ftw
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize