today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
