He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
