hotel room ftw
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
