He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
