I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We need a shit load of segways right now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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