my room smells like sperm. sweet.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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