I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
