There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
