alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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