Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
