He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
