smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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