every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
