loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
