new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
