i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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