Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
