I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
