Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
