I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
