Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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