My cat gives me a boner
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
