I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize