yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Houston, we have a squirter
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
