The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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