Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
