I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
