I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
