porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
