He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
