I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
